


Dear Cas.

by on_tuesdays_we_wear_plaid



Series: Fix-It [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Letters, Love, M/M, Twist and Shout
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-14
Updated: 2015-10-16
Packaged: 2018-04-26 10:45:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5001724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/on_tuesdays_we_wear_plaid/pseuds/on_tuesdays_we_wear_plaid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a collection of Dean's letters to Cas after he died.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. April

_Dear Cas,_

_I miss you. I miss you so fucking much it hurts. Sometimes I don’t think I can stand it anymore. But then I think. I think about you; your smile, your voice, your laugh, all the things that I loved about you, and I’m not so sad anymore. I still miss you; I don’t think I ever won’t. I miss being with you. I want you back so bad, babe. But I know you can’t come back to me, so I’ll wait._

_Abigail is doing well. I’m watching her while Sam and Jess are out. She’s so cute; when she grows up I bet she’ll be as beautiful as her mother. I hope I get to see her grow up._

_I found your letter box. I read all of the letters. I’m so sorry I left you; somehow I didn’t realize how much I loved you until I left. I never wanted to hurt you, and I was too stupid to realize that leaving you would hurt you the most. I didn’t know, Cas. Baby, I am so, so sorry. I know I can’t ask you to forgive me. I know I can’t change what happened. But if I could…if I could start again, I would. I promise I’d make it right._

_I hope you’ll wait for me up there. Stay safe, angel._

_Love,_

_Dean_


	2. May

_Dear Cas,_

_I went to our beach today. You wouldn’t recognize it; it’s changed so much. There are houses there now, and lots of people are there during the day, in summer. It’s nice._

_I can’t believe it’s only been a month since you left. It feels like forever. But I know you’re waiting for me to come home. I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have made you wait for me. Why did you wait for me? Ten years? Why? How didn’t you give up on me I LEFT you. Why did you still love me? I guess I’ll never find out. Well, not soon, anyways._

_I…I still have nightmares, you know. About leaving you, and the war, and Adam. I still wake up, thinking that you’re still alive, still with me, but I look next to me in my bed and I see emptiness. I realize you’re gone, and you’re not coming back. Baby, I love you. I left ‘cause I was afraid I’d hurt you. I left, and I did exactly what I was afraid I was going to do to you. I hurt you._

_I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. Because I left, we weren’t able to become a couple. We weren’t able to kiss, or hug, or be together in public. I don’t regret us; I’ll never regret us. But I’m sorry. I’m so sorry._

_We’ll never be able to listen to Elvis, together, again. We’ll never kiss again. I’ll never be able to see your bright blue eyes again. I’ll never be able to tell you that I love you ever again. I’m sorry. I love you. No more “See you then”’s. No more you._

_That hurts, Castiel. It hurts to know that you’re gone, and you’re not coming back to me. But it’s okay, because one day, I’ll come back to you._

_Whenever I miss you, I listen to Elvis. I think about you. Us. I watch your videos, and I remember that loving you and missing you aren’t the same thing, like you said. I can’t help falling in love with you. I can dig Elvis, remember?_

_See you then,_

_Dean_


	3. August

_Dear Cas,_

_How’s it going up there? Pretty good, I bet. Even for a dead guy with glasses. But I bet you're still beautiful, love._

_I know, I know. Three months. Don't bite my head off, okay? I've been really busy._

_Abby’s getting big! She can crawl now. Isn’t that awesome? She's growing up so fast. I can't believe it. Soon she'll be too big to ride on my shoulders._

_I still miss you. I still love you. But it’s okay now. It still hurts, but I have Sam, and Jess, and Abby. They help me. I know I’ll see you again. I know you’re gone, but not forever, right? So it’s okay. I’m okay._

_Not much has happened since last week, so I’m gonna keep this letter short, okay?_

_Elvis came on the radio today. I remember hearing the song when we were still living together...Stuck on You, I think it was called. Abby and I danced to it. She loves dancing, especially when it's with me. She likes Elvis, too. I bet you two would get along. Well, if she could talk, anyways. Or walk._

_I visit your grave every Thursday. I bring you flowers. Your favorites, Forget-Me-Nots. I think that fits you._

_I also take my letters and read them to you whenever I need air, or space, or I just want to be alone, or when I miss you. Every Thursday, I take your record player with me and I play Elvis for you (but only at night, or sometimes in the evenings)._

_I’m going to go to the beach later. I’ll tell you all about it, babe._

_Love,_

_Dean_


	4. August

_ Dear Cas, _

_ It's the middle of the night, I know. But I just couldn't sleep. I had a nightmare about you. Maybe if I tell you about it, I'll be able to sleep again. _

_ You were there, right beside me, and we were happy. So happy, Cas. You were smiling your beautiful, bright smile at me, and I kissed you. We pulled apart, and you were in my arms, and I kissed you again. And you smiled at me, and your eyes were so bright. The bluest blue to ever blue. You looked wonderful. And you told me, you said, "See, Dean? I told you. I told you we'd get through it. We just needed time. All we needed was time." _

_ I heard myself say, "Yeah. You were right." _

_ "You never left me. Even when things got really hard, you didn't go. You begged me to let you go, to let you leave, but I didn't, and you didn't leave. I'm so proud of you, Dean. I'm so proud of us." You cupped my face with your hands and pulled me down for another kiss. _

_ "I'm proud of us," I repeated. _

_ "It was because I believed in you. I believed we could fix it. And look, see--" you held up your hands, your palms against mine, our fingers laced together, and it was perfect. It was fucking perfect, Castiel. _

_ I said, “We did it, baby. We did it.” I felt myself smile as I held you close to me, my fingers running through your hair. _

_ I felt tears run down my face. I didn’t know why I was crying. But I knew I was sad. I gripped you tighter and just freaking sobbed until you pushed me away gently and you said, “Dean, it’s okay. Don’t cry. I don’t want you to cry. I’m so happy…you’re coming home to me, baby. I want you to come home to me. We’ll be together, and nothing can keep us apart. Not this time.” _

_ And then I woke up, crying my heart out, screaming your name before I remembered you were gone. _

_ I love you. _

_ I miss you. _

_ I won’t ever forget you. _

_ I’ll always love you. _

_ I’ll remember you. _

_ You’ll always be in my heart. _

_ Can you promise to do the same for me? _

_ Love, _

_ Dean _


End file.
